What is your experience of the way people listen to you when you tell them something important about your life?
Do you feel truly heard, appreciated and understood?
Or, perhaps there’s a nagging feeling that your listener was somewhere else in their minds, not fully present?
You may recall scenarios like this one:
You start to tell your friend about something that’s happened to you recently but, before you’ve really got going, they tell you something similar that’s happened to them, possibly more dramatic… You listen a moment then try to return to your story. After another few sentences, your friend butts in exclaiming about a book she has read on this very subject. You pause to make a note of the details for later. Continuing with what you are relating, you feel you’ve lost your way somewhat, but you really want your friend to listen and understand so you get back to the key issue. Your friend suddenly remembers a great Therapist she’s heard of that could possibly help. She spends a good ten minutes telling you how effective he is and you should make an appointment. You duly take his contact details. You try to finish your story but you’ve lost momentum and pause to gather your thoughts. Your friend takes advantage of the gap to tell you that it will all pass and have another glass of wine, most people have things like this going on in their lives and really you just have to get on with it. Feeling thoroughly disempowered and a bit stupid you have another glass of wine and decide to forget the whole thing.
Now let’s try a more uplifting scenario…
When you tell your friend you have something on your mind you’d like to talk to her about, she immediately gives you her full attention, looking at you with quiet interest. All through your story you feel she is kindly focused upon you, listening without judging, warmly present. Instead of formulating her own replies and comments, she asks the occasional helpful question without advising or making suggestions, allowing you to feel supported and valued. There is no sense that she has an opinion of you and your story, she is simply hearing you with empathy and understanding. When you have finished, she shows her love with a warm hug and, with a few gentle but pertinent questions she guides you to your own realisations and solutions.
The fundamental teaching here is about how to listen without judgement, comparisons, personal interventions or advice. We all have a miraculous ability to find our own innate wisdom and the greatest thing a friend can do is to gently support us in accessing our own inner guide and teacher. What we realise and decide for ourselves is much more powerful and actionable that shed loads of advice from others.
Next time someone starts to tell you about a problem or situation in their lives, just try listening with presence, stillness and your full, loving attention only. Decide to have no reaction, ideas or advice, just unconditional love. It is another path to miracles.
